It was straight outta '96 when it all began. After packing up the Subaru with 5 dudes and all their snow gear we headed out on the road for what was to be a 2 day trip to Jackson Hole and Grand Targhee. After stopping in Idaho for some snacks, lotto tickets and lewd air fresheners we were rolling. It snowed hard the whole drive making for some super sketchy conditions in the flats before attempting to hit the pass. We kept watching the 4-runner in front of us disappear then suddenly reappear 5-10 ft closer to us. Which was un-nerving to say the least because we could only drive 25 and they were only 25-30 ft away. After pulling off to the side of the road for a refreshing urine break in White Out conditions we powered on to our Super 8 destination in Jackson Hole.
That night we took to the hot tub for what was to be designated forever as the Tough As Nails contest. It started as hopping out of the tub and rolling in the 3 ft snow drift and hopping back in. Many variations ensued, the cornice drop, belly flops off the tool shed, the worm. The winner won by do a belly flop off the fence into a 6 ft snow drift and doing the worm. Although that combination wasn't the only winning factor. After I was dubbed the hands down winner the reason came out, although it was evident to everyone but myself. 
worm had taken place through a trough of "yellow snow" left by some of the other participants. Having been donned as the king of the Tough As Nails contest was a treat but honestly I assure you, I had no idea that those guys peed there or I wouldn't have volunteered to guinea pig that one so easily. Although it is a crown I wear proudly to this day.
worm had taken place through a trough of "yellow snow" left by some of the other participants. Having been donned as the king of the Tough As Nails contest was a treat but honestly I assure you, I had no idea that those guys peed there or I wouldn't have volunteered to guinea pig that one so easily. Although it is a crown I wear proudly to this day. The following day we headed to Targhee for the first of two days spent here after being snowed in for Monday as well. I digress. It was blistering cold and dumping upon arrival. We made a few laps and were headed to the upper mountain to find a wind lip we had heard so much about. While being herded like cattle through the lines at the lift I was partnered up with a skier to ride the lift. This "Hippy Goober" I thought, was wearing tight acid-washed denim, an argyle turtle neck (it could have been a dickie, I can't confirm or deny it but for the sake of the story I am giving it the benefit of being a turtle) and a super flashy and thick Molehair sweater, hat and goggles. It turns out that this guy is a player. It was a cold lift ride for sure I'll admit that. This guy, part way up the lift whips off his boots and starts massaging his feet one at a time, breaking down the symptoms and properties affiliated with frostbite and how to avoid it. Due to the weather the lift kept stopping and was creeping ultra slow because of the wind.
With no visibility further than 5 ft upper mountain I could only see my "goober" co-pilot going up the lift and nothing else. I was looking for anything else to watch or someone to make eye contact with in hopes of getting some verification on this little adventure. After working over his "dogs" for what seemed like an eternity he turned to me and offered up his services on my feet. Things flashed in my head and two scenarios came to thought 1. I pull out my feet and let his gentle touch work the onset of frostbite out of my toes... Nobody will know or see (except me of course). 2. Politely decline his offer and accept a rain check for his services on a later date. I was 17 at the time and I was quite sure that what this old hippy was offering me could somehow take the shape of Pedophilia. Well I opted for #2 although I sometimes wish I would have taken #1 just so I could know what it was like to experience that, not to mention claim that story that night at the Tough As Nails contest that was to ensue again that night with no avail. Nobody could beat the urine worm from 10 ft, it couldn't be done. Thankfully the lift shack crept out of the fog like a pinnacle of hope in the night sky.
I thanked Captain Frostbite for his generous offer and his social commentary on politics and fashion and bid him farewell in hopes of experiencing a lift ride with him again in the future. That ride has yet to come to pass but I am always hoping. I passed this little adventure along to my comrades and the name Captain Frostbite just stuck. I initially gave the name to my compadre from the lift ride but it was quickly laid back upon me which I graciously accepted. So from this one great trip I came away with the crown from the Tough As Nails contest and a new title, Captain Frostbite, I wear it proudly.
With no visibility further than 5 ft upper mountain I could only see my "goober" co-pilot going up the lift and nothing else. I was looking for anything else to watch or someone to make eye contact with in hopes of getting some verification on this little adventure. After working over his "dogs" for what seemed like an eternity he turned to me and offered up his services on my feet. Things flashed in my head and two scenarios came to thought 1. I pull out my feet and let his gentle touch work the onset of frostbite out of my toes... Nobody will know or see (except me of course). 2. Politely decline his offer and accept a rain check for his services on a later date. I was 17 at the time and I was quite sure that what this old hippy was offering me could somehow take the shape of Pedophilia. Well I opted for #2 although I sometimes wish I would have taken #1 just so I could know what it was like to experience that, not to mention claim that story that night at the Tough As Nails contest that was to ensue again that night with no avail. Nobody could beat the urine worm from 10 ft, it couldn't be done. Thankfully the lift shack crept out of the fog like a pinnacle of hope in the night sky.
I thanked Captain Frostbite for his generous offer and his social commentary on politics and fashion and bid him farewell in hopes of experiencing a lift ride with him again in the future. That ride has yet to come to pass but I am always hoping. I passed this little adventure along to my comrades and the name Captain Frostbite just stuck. I initially gave the name to my compadre from the lift ride but it was quickly laid back upon me which I graciously accepted. So from this one great trip I came away with the crown from the Tough As Nails contest and a new title, Captain Frostbite, I wear it proudly.
0 comments:
Post a Comment